Friday, April 26, 2013

The Eyelashes Effect - a post for girls on how we may often see guys

The eyelashes effect is something I took note of while I was in Italy. I was looking at my Italian sister’s eyelashes and they were just so long and curled. It is a commonly desirable feature to have long eyelashes, especially in Asia where even if your eyelashes are long, they are flat. While I looked at her eyelashes, all I thought was “I wish my eyelashes did that! If I look at it more, will it become that way more? If I had eyelashes like that everyone would think I’ve got the most gorgeous eyes ever.” At some point in my thinking, I realized that if everyone thought the way I did, what would be the point of beautiful eyelashes? That everyone can wish they had them? The point of beautiful eyelashes is to be appreciated for the beauty they are, not to wish you had them if you didn’t or to be proud you have them if you do. Those are two completely distinct states of mind – appreciation for beauty and longing for acquisition. If you’re thoughts are occupied with one of these, the other is not present. While you are appreciating beauty, you will not be wishing it for yourself. Wishing it for yourself is a statement of lack and that you do not have it, thus will give you, by the Law of Creation, more lack of it (essentially, creating the circumstances that affirm you do not have it).

However, aside from that, the eyelashes effect can be analogous to the way many of us women look at men (myself included at times when I’m not aware). We look at men and imagine them as our boyfriend or husband or boy toy, and how nice that would be.

If you want a reason for why we do this and why we think this way, my best response would be (not to sound strange) capitalism. It is all the marketing and companies that knows we do not monitor what we are thinking. They convince us we would love to have something, and that if we had it, everyone would admire and love us! They capitalize on our lack of thinking and as we buy their products, we reinforce the position in our minds.

This is not an argument against capitalists and companies (you are responsible for your own thinking!) but rather pointing out to an area that is blocking beauty from coming into our lives. Being “whipped” by a guy is unpleasant for you for obvious reasons (no one likes to think she is toyed by a guy!), and on top of that it also means that you are not appreciating a guy. Girls complain that guys only love girls for their bodies, but girls do the exact same thing with a guy – usually not for their bodies as much as if he were hers he’d be the perfect accessory and all other girls would be jealous. It is also logical to say that if you are “whipped” by a guy, you are being selfish and only thinking about yourself! It’s a strange concept as you are thinking about another person, but only in the perspective that there is a possibility of benefitting yourself.

Whenever I find myself judging at someone or something that way, I remind myself of the eyelashes effect, and that if I’m one less person to appreciate eyelashes, that’s one less person appreciating beauty.


Thursday, April 11, 2013

I'd like to share something today. Something very personal to me. Something I would say saved my life. Certainly reclaimed my life.

It's a book that I used a few weekends ago to ask for myself and my emotional well being back. I'm still working on it but the implications are amazing.

I don't know what to say about it, as the best advice I can give is to buy the book and do what it says right's only like 3$ and it will change your life if you do exactly what Kamal suggests. I know that's about all self-help personal development books, but Kamal focuses on ONE thing, and from what I can tell, has huge success with it.

I love myself, I love myself, I love myself..(:



It's easy to forget gratitude. Or rather, it's not easy we're just habituated to it. I had a long talk with my friend the other day about whether this stuff is "natural" or just easier. I don't really know for certain what would be our complete natural state, but I think if we all touch into the intuitive part of us, something tells me we're supposed to be happy and grateful and abundant.

For me, we know on a cellular level that we are not alone, that a lot of life is about merging with each other (not just because we know so well of biological urges, although they are well "advertised" and accepted by the majority). I find this is also true on gratitude, happiness, and abundance (and on health too, as we are the only mammals who don't live 11-20x their age of puberty).

I'm sitting at my school library, and I noticed a lot of people are wearing sweatpants studying with their headphones plugged in. I myself am on a comfy sofa chair in my comfy class sweatshirt with my heels on a coffee table and my favorite pair of UNIQLO jeans. And then I realized how little people have this experience. This experience of having a community (an entire community, not just a building you spend 8 hours a day to) where we have 7 different dining halls, coffee shops/cafes, grills, libraries with comfy chairs, studying rooms, dorms with five-days a week maintenance/cleaning...okay I could go on. I don't come to the library often and I never use the studying rooms and I'm not particularly fond of the dining halls (nor grills nor cafes), but this is about as good as it gets in terms of "stuff"! (Sure you may also want a nice fancy car and expensive jewelry, but really come on). Yet all I hear about college is "poor college students," student loans, too much homework, too many exams, "I'm so stressed out," I don't like what we're studying...

Just typing that last list made me feel pretty bad, and almost angry if I weren't intentionally being present right now.

I am so grateful, and I know this experience is only going to last for another year. While I'm glad I don't have to be studying things I'm not particularly psyched about, it's almost unbelievable how incredible of an experience I've created for myself. Seriously there are so many people to meet here (even though 90% are stressed burn-outs and extrinsically focused) and there are so many facilities that make this an amazing experience. Professors care about me, I have my own single dorm room, my bathroom is always clean (save for serious party weekends), it's life for four years and it's a really nice one. I have practice rooms I can practice music and sing, I get the low-down on the best of the most knowledgeable people on this earth (not to say knowledgeable equates to success/happiness, but you know it helps us grow!) I even have a little kitchenette where earlier tonight I made pesto pasta with fresh basil leaves I grew and organic cherry tomatoes. Charmed life girl!!!

Strange thing is I almost feel guilty for not feeling good, which is so funny it reminds me of this part in Dr. Robert Anthony's book when he told a seminar audience to never feel guilty, and one of them said "You mean, we should never feel guilty, about, anything??" (they were feeling guilty about not feeling guilty haha). But I remind myself to be present right now and just enjoy myself sitting in this comfy sofa chair with my comfy clothes, reading things I love and reflecting on how amazing the life I created has been. I don't want to sugar-coat things and ignore them, but those are things I'm currently dealing with and I am grateful that they are being dealt with better and better everyday.

Thank you, thank you, thank you..always be grateful!