The Point of Gratitude

I think I've written on gratitude many times before, but it still keeps coming back to me. What I find interesting about gratitude is that our society and everything about it really isn't set up for it, so you really gotta keep it up yourself if you want it to last.

I've had some amazing experiences in my life (or I should say one seriously amazing experience in my life) that have been firsthand confirmation of some of the principles we hear about in all the self-help/personal development books, namely that we create our own realities. It's a game of semantics but when you really come to realize it it's incredibly freeing.

The thing is we tend to look at what we lack in our lives. We hear this all the time, but have you REALLY thought about this idea?

I've lived in 3 different countries enough to realize that no matter where I go, I tend to focus on what I don't have. As an example, all I can think about when I am in another country aside from Taiwan is that I don't have the good food from Taiwan, or the mobility. When I am in another country aside from the US, all I can focus on is that I don't have kale. And when I am in another country aside from Italy, all I can focus on is that I'm not hearing the beautiful sounds of Italian and that the food isn't incredible wherever I decide to eat at.
Why do we do this?

A joyful successful life is not possible without gratitude. A successful life is possible without gratitude, but a joyful one to boot is not. I'm going back to gratitude everyday now, because I'm remembering how important and essential it is. I talked to one of my roommates yesterday about this and she asked, "Is it really that necessary to do all that stuff though?"and my heart went all in (partially unexpected by me) with a huge, solid "Yes...It's everything."Because, as I explained to my friend, if we don't live a joyous life, then it will all just be the rat race and getting in and out of the rat race and running on autopilot and never experiencing anything truly amazing. It's the waking sleep, as Andy Shaw calls it (image from him):

I have a genuine desire for myself to embrace all that personal development talks about; to really soak in, internalize and realize my truth from internalizing it all, and live from that space. Because I've been there before, and being short of that is not worth living.

Back to gratitude, I have a track outside my apartment. I live in a school and the school track is a 1 minute walk away from my front door. And I sometimes get the opportunity to stop and realize how amazing that is, and when I'm running on it, really appreciate it being there. When we appreciate things instead of wondering what we'll do when we don't have them anymore, we can really lean into joy and understanding how great of a life we have, and that is pretty much regardless of the material things you have, because when I appreciate the track in my backyard, it's not about the track. Making it about me having a track is an ego trip, not gratitude. It's about acknowledgment and deep thanks for my life the way I have created it so far. It's about responsibility, not about entitlement.

I just downloaded a gratitude journal app on my iPhone (the one by Happy Tapper, I like it quite very much) and have been writing in it whenever I feel like it. I also write on a notepad in the morning or whenever I'm around it. And I also have a stuffed beanie baby giraffe I bought a few weeks ago at this toy store. It looks at me in this head-slightly-tilted way, as if saying "what are you grateful for today?" and every time I see it I make a point to say, out loud, what I am grateful for. I am grateful for the opportunity to share this information with whosevers eyes read my blog and send my deepest desires that he/she will find a way to bring a practice of gratitude into their lives as well.

xxx,
Catt

Back to Basics

If you don't keep it up, you will lose it.
Well that's half true. The truth is probably closer to something like if you don't focus and constantly refocus your attention, you will forget it. Which sounds more plausible really because that's what's really going on. I had an amazing experience a little less than a year ago. I feel like the beautiful period lasted maybe two months, while the incredible awareness lasted for maybe two weeks. Either way, I stopped paying attention to it and I lost it.

What I discount now and especially during the period immediately after I "lost" it (forgot it), is that I did so much to get myself there. What's there? I guess in general I'm speaking of this way of life that is in constant flow and your underlying feeling is joy. Not really happy like crazy manic happiness but just a sense of deep peace and joy for the miracle that is you and life as it relates to you. A space where creation just happens so naturally and normally that you wonder if you ever had a thought that you don't create.

I've been going back to basics, back to my practices that helped me get there. When I look back on records that I have, I realized I did so much more to get myself there than I think I did. I was really really focused on the "I love myself" practice. My commitment was much much more fierce than the maybe 10+ times I've retried (not including days like today where it's just upon waking up then it fades away within a few minutes) to commit myself to the practice. I think I was just in such a bad period before that that I had a REALLY STRONG reason and contrasting feeling to do it.
But I stopped shortly after I was in a relationship with my wonderful fiance. I guess I thought I got things handled now after such a huge transformation.

Here's the thing. During the time period I was in a state of strong awareness, I experienced so "directly" that we are creators. In reality we are always creating, we just don't know it. And then we think we don't, thus creating the experience that we don't...which just proves that we do create. But anyways, during this time, I knew we create, and I just did it. Everything that was crossing my mind as a desire was coming true in less than two days.

Anyways as I stopped my practice of focusing my thoughts, my ability to create "directly" (as I describe) was dwindling and trickling away, and I started getting worried and nervous which obviously was just crowding out any remaining good stuff...and then stuff started hitting the fan and then here I am again. Well it's not exactly the same but I was pretty dejected as my base underlying feeling again. Maybe worse since I had "solid proof" that the stuff works. I went into fight mode and fix-it mode and of course it just made things worse and worse.

We really gotta tune into our feelings and love ourselves. I found that you gotta do these things otherwise you just won't get there. I guess I'm generalizing, but if there is another way someone oughta let me know. I mean I know of some other teachers and masters who have done things other ways, but I think for the vast majority of us who are making a living not by "directly" teaching, we have to do what the teachers are telling us to do. We gotta honour their words and do these things.

I'm going back to the basics and back to where I started,
Catt xxx