Our emotions are the truth and we should always follow our emotions. But there is a difference between changing a situation/improving a situation we feel bad about and judging something as bad. One is brief and done in order to understand ourselves, the other is to have others feel sorry for us (manipulating others) or getting things and others to change for us.
This is something to always remember: we, literally, make up what is labelled good and what is labelled bad. This is why we have so many differences in opinions about things, let alone different emotional reactions about things that we try to cover up with contradictory words.
Most of the time we don't accept something because we fear change, even change that improves us. More accurately than "we fear good change," our minds (and to an extent our bodies, if you like) react to and judge the onset of change as "bad," which is why we start doing weird things when things start feeling unfamiliar. Aside from this just being a bad habit we just picked up by mimicry, it is in part biology - the idea of homeostasis. I can stand outside in the cold and come inside in the warmth and my body will maintain a temperature of 36C, plus or minus 1 degree.
Unlike the body however, emotionally, our state of homeostasis is determined not by biological functions but by our emotional functions, which are usually determined by what we might call our "programming." This comes from our upbringing - our parents, siblings, those around us, those we go to school with, our community, our country, etc. And it works the same way as our biological homeostasis. This is what Gay Hendricks calls the "Upper Limit Problem," which is written in more detail in his book The Big Leap.
For instance, when people first meet me they find that I am very easy to talk to and generally, "happy and energetic." While these are good qualities that have given me more opportunities that I've enjoyed than not, how much of it really is consciously determined by me in this life period? In other words, while we choose our circumstances before we are born (in my cosmology), in this lifetime, how much of it was a conscious choice? Of course our "subconscious" and what not is a part of us, but the question of "deservingness" comes in (my philosophical tendencies). Yet even if I do not "deserve" my "good fortune" and those who are poor do not "deserve" their "bad fortune" (these are judgments which are made up), nothing permanent will come from the "good" being shared with those who do not have as much "good," unless it creates an inner change.
-Catt xxx
Wednesday, May 22, 2013
Tuesday, May 14, 2013
Gratitude Alienation
When I tell people about my "favourite" "philosopher," it goes something like this:
I'm not embarrassed that I find Marx's works most sensible and grounding, but I am always hesitant to tell people the truth (sometimes I will just opt for Adam Smith, but even that gets "isn't he an economist?") because Marx is so misinterpreted amongst 99.8% of people I run into, whether they are pro-"Marx" (ie, what they think Marx is) or against-"Marx" (usually the same impression of Marx as the pro-Marx people) (and the 0.2% is my philosophy professors).
What most touches me about Marx's works is that occasionally, when I am present and very into how I am feeling at the moment, I can see it everywhere. Today there was an occasion for this.
I was in the dining hall, and I was practicing some mind control in the form of autosuggestion (I still haven't found anything more beautiful than "I love myself," Thank you Kamal!) and being really present. I saw a dining hall worker who I've seen many times and she's known by our students to be kind of "mean," as she doesn't let kids off the hook when something isn't going exactly right and is super strict with the rules. Today she was wiping the tables, and she had her normal expressionless expression on her face (she doesn't look mean or happy) and I watched her reaching from one side of the table to the other, wiping the tables..
I suddenly thought "I love you." I suddenly had a genuine appreciation for what she was doing and how she made it easier for me in school, and that without her there would be a lot more chaos in the dining hall and a less clean dining hall.
And the strangest thing was I wondered why, after being at the same school for two years, I had never been in that state of mind. There were a lot of dining hall workers I was friends with or were super nice so evvveryone loved them, but where was the state of mind that was appreciation/gratitude? Why has that been absent?
I guess my mind went directly to feeling guilty about not having appreciated the dining hall workers (and others for that matter) ever until today, even though I always say thank you and I always am polite and I'm not one to bitch about things as much as I've heard other people do so.
But as my mind went to feeling guilty (a bad habit), it went to another automated method of thinking: she's getting paid not bad.
And then there it was, Ah, Marx. It is okay for me not to be genuinely appreciative because there is monetary compensation independent of my genuinity. And this is essentially where the whole thinking-habits of not appreciating got started.
Marx didn't mean that we won't need government and money in the way we use it now because we give up all our material pursuits, but it's because the appreciation of individuals is fully experienced. We will do things because we are fulfilled, and we are fulfilled by the things we do.
But as I have experienced today, we have alienated ourselves from fulfillment. And it's impossible to experience fulfillment without appreciation and gratitude for who we really are.
Be genuinely grateful!
-Catt xxx
Random Person Asking About My Major: Whose works do you admire the most?
Catt: Karl Marx.
RPAAMM: Marx?? Like, the communist Marx??
Catt: Yes but don't tell anyone. Shhhh.
[RPAAMM From Italy: How can a smart girl like you be a Marxist in the United States?]
I'm not embarrassed that I find Marx's works most sensible and grounding, but I am always hesitant to tell people the truth (sometimes I will just opt for Adam Smith, but even that gets "isn't he an economist?") because Marx is so misinterpreted amongst 99.8% of people I run into, whether they are pro-"Marx" (ie, what they think Marx is) or against-"Marx" (usually the same impression of Marx as the pro-Marx people) (and the 0.2% is my philosophy professors).
What most touches me about Marx's works is that occasionally, when I am present and very into how I am feeling at the moment, I can see it everywhere. Today there was an occasion for this.
I was in the dining hall, and I was practicing some mind control in the form of autosuggestion (I still haven't found anything more beautiful than "I love myself," Thank you Kamal!) and being really present. I saw a dining hall worker who I've seen many times and she's known by our students to be kind of "mean," as she doesn't let kids off the hook when something isn't going exactly right and is super strict with the rules. Today she was wiping the tables, and she had her normal expressionless expression on her face (she doesn't look mean or happy) and I watched her reaching from one side of the table to the other, wiping the tables..
I suddenly thought "I love you." I suddenly had a genuine appreciation for what she was doing and how she made it easier for me in school, and that without her there would be a lot more chaos in the dining hall and a less clean dining hall.
And the strangest thing was I wondered why, after being at the same school for two years, I had never been in that state of mind. There were a lot of dining hall workers I was friends with or were super nice so evvveryone loved them, but where was the state of mind that was appreciation/gratitude? Why has that been absent?
I guess my mind went directly to feeling guilty about not having appreciated the dining hall workers (and others for that matter) ever until today, even though I always say thank you and I always am polite and I'm not one to bitch about things as much as I've heard other people do so.
But as my mind went to feeling guilty (a bad habit), it went to another automated method of thinking: she's getting paid not bad.
And then there it was, Ah, Marx. It is okay for me not to be genuinely appreciative because there is monetary compensation independent of my genuinity. And this is essentially where the whole thinking-habits of not appreciating got started.
Marx didn't mean that we won't need government and money in the way we use it now because we give up all our material pursuits, but it's because the appreciation of individuals is fully experienced. We will do things because we are fulfilled, and we are fulfilled by the things we do.
But as I have experienced today, we have alienated ourselves from fulfillment. And it's impossible to experience fulfillment without appreciation and gratitude for who we really are.
Be genuinely grateful!
-Catt xxx
Sunday, May 12, 2013
Worry and Negativity
I once read that thinking negatively does literally nothing for you, and it became so strange when I really sat to think about it.
Thinking negatively, does NOTHING at ALL of benefit for you.
It is one thing to sit there and debate whether this is true or not, but having read so much personal development and if you've been in contact with this material, at some point you "accept" it as the truth. Yet still think negatively.
Why would I do something that does NOTHING at ALL of benefit to me, especially as one who is passionate about living her life fully?
I actually had to stop and realize that I had been spending so much time in negative thought and that it was like knowingly doing something that's terrible for you yet not realizing you are doing it.
While I was born in a "good" environment where no one close to me smoked or did drugs or abused [too seriously] alcohol, I had my own sets of addictions and diseases, namely, thinking negatively and worrying.
I have a friend. She worries. So. Much. Maybe I have more than one of these friends, but especially her, and it drags her down and she's definitely addicted to it, thinking that the more she worries the less she will be caught out and screw up. Well it's just strange that she finds herself in so many situations to worry about. If it were working and she actually stopped getting caught out and screwed up. So then she partially subscribes to the fact that the world just sucks and there's such thing as luck. But come on I know we're not meant to judge the lives of others or compare, but there MUST be people out there who think and live without worrying and can handle their stuff well, and to top it off live abundantly. We somehow think people are poor because they didn't worry well enough. Well in my experiences, the more poor (I mean this in terms of finances and how much one has the life they desire (I've generally been around those who are financially pretty well off)), the more they worry. Hmmmmmmmmmmm.
There is NO space for worrying in the life of your dreams, that is by definition. If you worry then it is not the life of your dreams. Unless you're talking about physically, ie. gorgeous husband, gorgeous house, gorgeous car, gorgeous kids, gorgeous hairdresser, gorgeous me, whatever. Why would you want to be there if you still worried anyways?
Worrying is a disease that crushes all the wonderful, life-affirming, creative functions of the mind into failure. It is a disease, and it is surely physical, but it is invisible. I say it is physical because if you take the fact that your mind is creative and it creates the circumstances you find yourself in, and you don't have the life you desire, it is most surely physical - the results say it all.
I found a school with a wonderful philosophy today. It is that nothing permanent changes from changing the external world. The world is your mirror. Okay this is a tangent explaining a principle but anyways back to worrying and negativity.
This stuff is doing NOTHING to improve your situation..so if you want to improve your situation, they must go.
It starts by observing, and being aware that it happens, and most importantly, accepting it. Accept accept accept. Accept that there is negativity going on and accept that you worry.
That is step one and almost all you need to get rid of it forever.
-Catt xxx
Thinking negatively, does NOTHING at ALL of benefit for you.
It is one thing to sit there and debate whether this is true or not, but having read so much personal development and if you've been in contact with this material, at some point you "accept" it as the truth. Yet still think negatively.
Why would I do something that does NOTHING at ALL of benefit to me, especially as one who is passionate about living her life fully?
I actually had to stop and realize that I had been spending so much time in negative thought and that it was like knowingly doing something that's terrible for you yet not realizing you are doing it.
While I was born in a "good" environment where no one close to me smoked or did drugs or abused [too seriously] alcohol, I had my own sets of addictions and diseases, namely, thinking negatively and worrying.
I have a friend. She worries. So. Much. Maybe I have more than one of these friends, but especially her, and it drags her down and she's definitely addicted to it, thinking that the more she worries the less she will be caught out and screw up. Well it's just strange that she finds herself in so many situations to worry about. If it were working and she actually stopped getting caught out and screwed up. So then she partially subscribes to the fact that the world just sucks and there's such thing as luck. But come on I know we're not meant to judge the lives of others or compare, but there MUST be people out there who think and live without worrying and can handle their stuff well, and to top it off live abundantly. We somehow think people are poor because they didn't worry well enough. Well in my experiences, the more poor (I mean this in terms of finances and how much one has the life they desire (I've generally been around those who are financially pretty well off)), the more they worry. Hmmmmmmmmmmm.
There is NO space for worrying in the life of your dreams, that is by definition. If you worry then it is not the life of your dreams. Unless you're talking about physically, ie. gorgeous husband, gorgeous house, gorgeous car, gorgeous kids, gorgeous hairdresser, gorgeous me, whatever. Why would you want to be there if you still worried anyways?
Worrying is a disease that crushes all the wonderful, life-affirming, creative functions of the mind into failure. It is a disease, and it is surely physical, but it is invisible. I say it is physical because if you take the fact that your mind is creative and it creates the circumstances you find yourself in, and you don't have the life you desire, it is most surely physical - the results say it all.
I found a school with a wonderful philosophy today. It is that nothing permanent changes from changing the external world. The world is your mirror. Okay this is a tangent explaining a principle but anyways back to worrying and negativity.
This stuff is doing NOTHING to improve your situation..so if you want to improve your situation, they must go.
It starts by observing, and being aware that it happens, and most importantly, accepting it. Accept accept accept. Accept that there is negativity going on and accept that you worry.
That is step one and almost all you need to get rid of it forever.
-Catt xxx
Friday, April 26, 2013
The Eyelashes Effect - a post for girls on how we may often see guys
The eyelashes
effect is something I took note of while I was in Italy. I was looking at my
Italian sister’s eyelashes and they were just so long and curled. It is a
commonly desirable feature to have long eyelashes, especially in Asia where
even if your eyelashes are long, they are flat. While I looked at her eyelashes,
all I thought was “I wish my eyelashes did that! If I look at it more, will it
become that way more? If I had eyelashes like that everyone would think I’ve
got the most gorgeous eyes ever.” At some point in my thinking, I realized that
if everyone thought the way I did, what would be the point of beautiful
eyelashes? That everyone can wish they had them? The point of beautiful
eyelashes is to be appreciated for the beauty they are, not to wish you had
them if you didn’t or to be proud you have them if you do. Those are two
completely distinct states of mind – appreciation for beauty and longing for
acquisition. If you’re thoughts are occupied with one of these, the other is
not present. While you are appreciating beauty, you will not be wishing it for
yourself. Wishing it for yourself is a statement of lack and that you do not
have it, thus will give you, by the Law of Creation, more lack of it
(essentially, creating the circumstances that affirm you do not have it).
However, aside
from that, the eyelashes effect can be analogous to the way many of us women
look at men (myself included at times when I’m not aware). We look at men and
imagine them as our boyfriend or husband or boy toy, and how nice that would
be.
If you want a
reason for why we do this and why we think this way, my best response would be
(not to sound strange) capitalism. It is all the marketing and companies that
knows we do not monitor what we are thinking. They convince us we would love to
have something, and that if we had it, everyone would admire and love us! They capitalize
on our lack of thinking and as we buy their products, we reinforce the position
in our minds.
This is not an
argument against capitalists and companies (you are responsible for your own
thinking!) but rather pointing out to an area that is blocking beauty from
coming into our lives. Being “whipped” by a guy is unpleasant for you for
obvious reasons (no one likes to think she is toyed by a guy!), and on top of
that it also means that you are not appreciating a guy. Girls complain that
guys only love girls for their bodies, but girls do the exact same thing with a
guy – usually not for their bodies as much as if he were hers he’d be the
perfect accessory and all other girls would be jealous. It is also logical to
say that if you are “whipped” by a guy, you are being selfish and only thinking
about yourself! It’s a strange concept as you are thinking about another
person, but only in the perspective that there is a possibility of benefitting
yourself.
Whenever I find
myself judging at someone or something that way, I remind myself of the
eyelashes effect, and that if I’m one less person to appreciate eyelashes, that’s
one less person appreciating beauty.
-Catt
xxx
Thursday, April 11, 2013
I'd like to share something today. Something very personal to me. Something I would say saved my life. Certainly reclaimed my life.
It's a book that I used a few weekends ago to ask for myself and my emotional well being back. I'm still working on it but the implications are amazing.
I don't know what to say about it, as the best advice I can give is to buy the book and do what it says right now..it's only like 3$ and it will change your life if you do exactly what Kamal suggests. I know that's about all self-help personal development books, but Kamal focuses on ONE thing, and from what I can tell, has huge success with it.
I love myself, I love myself, I love myself..(:
-Catt
xxx
It's a book that I used a few weekends ago to ask for myself and my emotional well being back. I'm still working on it but the implications are amazing.
I don't know what to say about it, as the best advice I can give is to buy the book and do what it says right now..it's only like 3$ and it will change your life if you do exactly what Kamal suggests. I know that's about all self-help personal development books, but Kamal focuses on ONE thing, and from what I can tell, has huge success with it.
I love myself, I love myself, I love myself..(:
-Catt
xxx
Gratitude
It's easy to forget gratitude. Or rather, it's not easy we're just habituated to it. I had a long talk with my friend the other day about whether this stuff is "natural" or just easier. I don't really know for certain what would be our complete natural state, but I think if we all touch into the intuitive part of us, something tells me we're supposed to be happy and grateful and abundant.
For me, we know on a cellular level that we are not alone, that a lot of life is about merging with each other (not just because we know so well of biological urges, although they are well "advertised" and accepted by the majority). I find this is also true on gratitude, happiness, and abundance (and on health too, as we are the only mammals who don't live 11-20x their age of puberty).
I'm sitting at my school library, and I noticed a lot of people are wearing sweatpants studying with their headphones plugged in. I myself am on a comfy sofa chair in my comfy class sweatshirt with my heels on a coffee table and my favorite pair of UNIQLO jeans. And then I realized how little people have this experience. This experience of having a community (an entire community, not just a building you spend 8 hours a day to) where we have 7 different dining halls, coffee shops/cafes, grills, libraries with comfy chairs, studying rooms, dorms with five-days a week maintenance/cleaning...okay I could go on. I don't come to the library often and I never use the studying rooms and I'm not particularly fond of the dining halls (nor grills nor cafes), but this is about as good as it gets in terms of "stuff"! (Sure you may also want a nice fancy car and expensive jewelry, but really come on). Yet all I hear about college is "poor college students," student loans, too much homework, too many exams, "I'm so stressed out," I don't like what we're studying...
Just typing that last list made me feel pretty bad, and almost angry if I weren't intentionally being present right now.
I am so grateful, and I know this experience is only going to last for another year. While I'm glad I don't have to be studying things I'm not particularly psyched about, it's almost unbelievable how incredible of an experience I've created for myself. Seriously there are so many people to meet here (even though 90% are stressed burn-outs and extrinsically focused) and there are so many facilities that make this an amazing experience. Professors care about me, I have my own single dorm room, my bathroom is always clean (save for serious party weekends), it's life for four years and it's a really nice one. I have practice rooms I can practice music and sing, I get the low-down on the best of the most knowledgeable people on this earth (not to say knowledgeable equates to success/happiness, but you know it helps us grow!) I even have a little kitchenette where earlier tonight I made pesto pasta with fresh basil leaves I grew and organic cherry tomatoes. Charmed life girl!!!
Strange thing is I almost feel guilty for not feeling good, which is so funny it reminds me of this part in Dr. Robert Anthony's book when he told a seminar audience to never feel guilty, and one of them said "You mean, we should never feel guilty, about, anything??" (they were feeling guilty about not feeling guilty haha). But I remind myself to be present right now and just enjoy myself sitting in this comfy sofa chair with my comfy clothes, reading things I love and reflecting on how amazing the life I created has been. I don't want to sugar-coat things and ignore them, but those are things I'm currently dealing with and I am grateful that they are being dealt with better and better everyday.
Thank you, thank you, thank you..always be grateful!
-Catt
xxx
For me, we know on a cellular level that we are not alone, that a lot of life is about merging with each other (not just because we know so well of biological urges, although they are well "advertised" and accepted by the majority). I find this is also true on gratitude, happiness, and abundance (and on health too, as we are the only mammals who don't live 11-20x their age of puberty).
I'm sitting at my school library, and I noticed a lot of people are wearing sweatpants studying with their headphones plugged in. I myself am on a comfy sofa chair in my comfy class sweatshirt with my heels on a coffee table and my favorite pair of UNIQLO jeans. And then I realized how little people have this experience. This experience of having a community (an entire community, not just a building you spend 8 hours a day to) where we have 7 different dining halls, coffee shops/cafes, grills, libraries with comfy chairs, studying rooms, dorms with five-days a week maintenance/cleaning...okay I could go on. I don't come to the library often and I never use the studying rooms and I'm not particularly fond of the dining halls (nor grills nor cafes), but this is about as good as it gets in terms of "stuff"! (Sure you may also want a nice fancy car and expensive jewelry, but really come on). Yet all I hear about college is "poor college students," student loans, too much homework, too many exams, "I'm so stressed out," I don't like what we're studying...
Just typing that last list made me feel pretty bad, and almost angry if I weren't intentionally being present right now.
I am so grateful, and I know this experience is only going to last for another year. While I'm glad I don't have to be studying things I'm not particularly psyched about, it's almost unbelievable how incredible of an experience I've created for myself. Seriously there are so many people to meet here (even though 90% are stressed burn-outs and extrinsically focused) and there are so many facilities that make this an amazing experience. Professors care about me, I have my own single dorm room, my bathroom is always clean (save for serious party weekends), it's life for four years and it's a really nice one. I have practice rooms I can practice music and sing, I get the low-down on the best of the most knowledgeable people on this earth (not to say knowledgeable equates to success/happiness, but you know it helps us grow!) I even have a little kitchenette where earlier tonight I made pesto pasta with fresh basil leaves I grew and organic cherry tomatoes. Charmed life girl!!!
Strange thing is I almost feel guilty for not feeling good, which is so funny it reminds me of this part in Dr. Robert Anthony's book when he told a seminar audience to never feel guilty, and one of them said "You mean, we should never feel guilty, about, anything??" (they were feeling guilty about not feeling guilty haha). But I remind myself to be present right now and just enjoy myself sitting in this comfy sofa chair with my comfy clothes, reading things I love and reflecting on how amazing the life I created has been. I don't want to sugar-coat things and ignore them, but those are things I'm currently dealing with and I am grateful that they are being dealt with better and better everyday.
Thank you, thank you, thank you..always be grateful!
-Catt
xxx
Wednesday, March 6, 2013
Discovering the Real Parts of Me
I've been thinking a lot lately about this whole "being yourself" business. Recently it has become something I use to make note of what I do not want, and then my ego gets me lingering on it and that it's the biggest problem in the world and can never be solved and oh drama and poor me stuck in a situation where I don't know what I want but the only thing I know is that it's not this.
This is such a bugged thought and I actually didn't notice it until now.
I've been spending a lot more time thinking about what I want as when I studied abroad and had more freedom and space in my mental psyche to dissociate from my identity at school (and even more rigid my identity at home) that I started doing things that I actually did want to do or started asking what I actually wanted to do.
So naturally as I haven't been really marching to the beat of my own drummer I've been noticing all the things that bring me joy and get me excited are not really what I've been doing.
But instead of being inspired by this, my ego wants to bring me down about it and be like look at all the horrible things I have to put up with because I am at school and stuck here for another 3 semesters.
Now it seems clear that given where I was in this soul-evolution thing, this is where I am. What's wrong with it? And goodness I'm only 20 it's not like I'm 80 and realising this (man that would actually be much harder to swallow) so where is the need to feel bad?
I'm glad I saw this one and can continue working on designing my life and things in my life. It'll be fun and I can do my schoolwork well at the same time if I carefully shift my perspective on the things in my life.
xx,
Catt
This is such a bugged thought and I actually didn't notice it until now.
I've been spending a lot more time thinking about what I want as when I studied abroad and had more freedom and space in my mental psyche to dissociate from my identity at school (and even more rigid my identity at home) that I started doing things that I actually did want to do or started asking what I actually wanted to do.
So naturally as I haven't been really marching to the beat of my own drummer I've been noticing all the things that bring me joy and get me excited are not really what I've been doing.
But instead of being inspired by this, my ego wants to bring me down about it and be like look at all the horrible things I have to put up with because I am at school and stuck here for another 3 semesters.
Now it seems clear that given where I was in this soul-evolution thing, this is where I am. What's wrong with it? And goodness I'm only 20 it's not like I'm 80 and realising this (man that would actually be much harder to swallow) so where is the need to feel bad?
I'm glad I saw this one and can continue working on designing my life and things in my life. It'll be fun and I can do my schoolwork well at the same time if I carefully shift my perspective on the things in my life.
xx,
Catt
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